Time transcripts of DMAC_Q11_10

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[00:00:12:060]	I really enjoyed the filming. [small laugh]

[00:00:16:080]	I enjoyed gathering—what do they call it, capturing? Capturing 

[00:00:20:110]	the footage.  - I was excited because I'd never done anything like that before.

[00:00:24:140]	And I've always wanted to learn to do it. So, this was

[00:00:28:150]	my big chance, to learn how to do something like this. So, I was very excited to do it.

[00:00:32:190]	And it was really creative, it felt much more creative than writing. 'Cause I

[00:00:36:200]	don't do fiction. And this really allowed me to bring a kind of creativity and

[00:00:40:250]	aesthetic sensibility—how well I did that I don't know—into

[00:00:45:010]	an intellectual project, in a way that alphabetic, traditional,

[00:00:49:060]	y'know, long-form prose just doesn't invite.

[00:00:53:080]	Oh, I was excited. I mean, I'm walking around, shooting video of anything

[00:00:57:100]	I see, y'know, red things especially, text. And just having

[00:01:01:110]	fun with it.  - I had no idea what it would come out like, and when I saw that block of cron—

[00:01:05:140]	concrete, I almost fell over laughing, [inaudible], I was like, "Oh, it's just sitting right there

[00:01:09:170]	waiting for me!" So, I mean, having these things just kind of come upon—

[00:01:13:200]	to come upon, was fun. Y'know, I knew what I was looking—

[00:01:17:210]	generally what I was looking for, but no definite idea, so it was kind of all, kind of

[00:01:21:260]	exploring, basically, and finding things to slide

[00:01:26:020]	into those 60 seconds. So, it was a good day. [laugh]

[00:01:30:040]	Really, a kind of joy, when it was all said and done, and it actually worked. Um, 

[00:01:34:060]	and, um, a real sense of accomplishment, having

[00:01:38:080]	never done anything like that before. So, it was kind of like, get up and do the happy dance.

[00:01:42:110]	Um, and, um, and that was really more—

[00:01:46:130]	I mean, the frustration was clear, but the, but the joy at completing

[00:01:50:230]	it was even stronger than the frustration, I think.

[00:01:54:280]	I enjoyed it, I really did. Um, I think a lot of that was the fact that we had so many people

[00:01:59:030]	to ask for help. Y'know, we were never, "Oh, I have to turn this in in a couple of

[00:02:03:060]	hours, but I don't know how to do this thing, um, and there's no

[00:02:07:070]	one here to help me." That, y'know, that never happened. And I did, like I did sort of get

[00:02:11:080]	lucky, you know, like the audio came together really quickly. Um, I had a few things

[00:02:15:090]	line up. Um, so I didn't—I was lucky not to feel

[00:02:19:200]	frustrated. I felt really, sort of, like, that sense of wonder that the speaker

[00:02:23:260]	was talking about this morning. I thought, "This is so awesome!" I mean,

[00:02:28:010]	I've been sort of—I write fiction, and I-I've written a screen play, and I'm sort of

[00:02:28:080]	interested in the idea of making some sort, like, little, tiny, independent

[00:02:32:100]	movie. Y'know, with my friends or something, just to pass around, not

[00:02:36:120]	to, like, even submit to any contest or anything. But I thought, "Well, I'm almost

[00:02:40:140]	32. Like, you just can't, like, learn something like that, y'know, you can't learn how to make a movie

[00:02:44:190]	[inaudible], but it turns out you can! Y'know, which is, like, 

[00:02:48:200]	I—I feel incredibly inspired and empowered, I really do. 

[00:02:52:240]	For me, um, like, even though I am

[00:02:57:080]	familiar with iMovie, it was more the audio that was tripping me up. And so, I was really

[00:03:01:110]	frustrated, since I hadn't used Audacity before. I was frustrated 'cause I thought I had this great

[00:03:05:130]	product at the end, but the audio was just so off and

[00:03:09:160]	I felt like it really detracted from, um, the video that I created.

[00:03:13:170]	So, I guess I was just surprised that I went in, like, with this hubris, this

[00:03:17:210]	ego of, "It'll look great, it'll be fantastic," and then this thing

[00:03:21:260]	that I did not expect kind of tripped me up.  - (interviewer 1) How did that frustration affect

[00:03:26:020]	that process of doing this project?  - (Katherine) Um, it made me more

[00:03:30:080]	obsessive about doing it [small laugh], um, because

[00:03:32:080]	I have, um, I don't, I don't wanna let technology beat me.

[00:03:36:090]	Um, so, I was determined to wrangle it, to make it work

[00:03:40:100]	for me. Um, and I think that that, um,

[00:03:44:110]	that resulted in, uh, really late nights and lots of

[00:03:48:130]	editing and lots of, um,

[00:03:52:160]	re-envisioning the project. I started out with one

[00:03:56:160]	idea and, um, followed

[00:04:00:200]	that through, and then thought, "This isn't anything like what I wanna do." And so I

[00:04:04:270]	had to go back and do something else. And the, the more frustrated I 

[00:04:08:280]	got, also the more determined I got, to do, the kind of work that I wanted

[00:04:13:040]	to do. - (interviewer 2) You've talked some about frustration, being

[00:04:17:050]	overwhelmed. Would you say those were the primary ones, were there others? - (Renee) Well, I think,

[00:04:21:110]	I think there's also just self-doubt. I mean, you're good at something, you're here,

[00:04:25:120]	you have graduate degrees [small laugh], you probably have experience, you've been successful in

[00:04:29:140]	school. [beat] You're not. Y'know, all of a sudden,

[00:04:33:150]	you're not. [inaudible] - And, as we talk, that may really be the

[00:04:37:180]	hardest emotion. That, we're—academicians

[00:04:41:230]	believe, by definition, in expertise. And that

[00:04:45:260]	expertise gives us control. We learn one little area, or

[00:04:49:290]	we learn one cen—not century, but one [small laugh], y'know, two year period

[00:04:54:030]	of a century, or, or one person's work very, very well.

[00:04:58:100]	And that gives us a sense of control over our professional lives, at least.

[00:05:02:120]	And, and what we do in the classroom. Um, all of a

[00:05:06:150]	sudden there's no control. - (Alli) There's always the, it's not really a

[00:05:10:170]	rivalry, or—but y'know I didn't wanna make an ass out of myself, in front of

[00:05:14:200]	my colleagues. Y'know, in front of my new friends and, um,

[00:05:18:220]	I've been talking about my experience teaching multimodality, and then if I

[00:05:22:260]	showed up with the, the most bogus, or the most basic,

[00:05:27:010]	that I would look pretty stupid. Um, and so that was part of it [small laugh] too,

[00:05:31:080]	my emotional investment. - (Crystal) I was apprehensive that

[00:05:35:140]	it would not come out at all. Um, I was nervous that I

[00:05:39:190]	would kind of bungle it up. And there's another layer of anxiety, to multimodal composing.

[00:05:43:220]	That I—is that it would just—

[00:05:47:250]	and I guess I don't really think of this with computers, in terms of alphabetic composing.

[00:05:52:000]	I mean, you can still lose your work, but it's not the same,

[00:05:56:060]	I dunno, it causes a different a level of anxiety, because there's more stuff.

[00:06:00:110]	Right? I mean, you have different types of assets, and it just

[00:06:04:140]	seemed more—even though it was just for one minute—I was much more worried about losing

[00:06:08:140]	things than I was, y'know, if I was writing a, y'know, 

[00:06:12:160]	20-page essay or something. - Y'know, like I said earlier, the body,

[00:06:16:190]	just interacting with a machine that I wasn't familiar with was very

[00:06:20:200]	frustrating. Um, and it really kind of got in the way of my process

[00:06:24:220]	in a lot of ways. 'Cause I'm trying to get on a roll, and then I accidentally hit

[00:06:28:250]	"control"-something instead of "command," and my page goes blank.

[00:06:32:280]	[laugh] - And, I was really nervous about showing it.

[00:06:37:040]	It's like, I don't wanna show this, because I know everyone else's is gonna be better. [laugh]

[00:06:41:050]	And mine's not gonna be as good. And that's not some—which, I guess it is with writing, but then

[00:06:45:060]	I'm not, I'm not there when somebody read it, 'cause it's out.

[00:06:49:120]	Y'know, whereas this we watched it all together and everyone could be like [whispering] "That was yours

[00:06:53:180]	and it was bad!" [laugh] - (Maurine) Um, emotionally

[00:06:57:210]	I felt anxiety. I definitely felt frustration.

[00:07:01:250]	Because I felt that I had this—I thought my initial idea was really great,

[00:07:05:260]	but I just could not understand how to, like, transmutate

[00:07:09:290]	it into this other, these other modes. And I just,

[00:07:14:030]	y'know, I felt some frustration with, then, the, um,

[00:07:18:080]	criteria, of it having to be 60 seconds. Like, [whispering] "I just had 120."

[00:07:22:140]	A little, definitely some self-consciousness. 

[00:07:26:180]	And, um, just because my peers seemed to

[00:07:30:200]	be, to hit the ground running. And I, y'know, I

[00:07:34:220]	did, I felt like, "Oh, I'm the only person struggling." - And then I thought about

[00:07:38:250]	what Cindy said, about being satisfied. And that, y'know, 

[00:07:42:270]	it is about, y'know, being satisfied, and that this one

[00:07:46:270]	product, y'know, is not the measure of me. So.

[00:07:51:040]	

[00:07:55:060]	Yeah, I mean in this particular

[00:07:59:120]	video, uh, outside of the pressures

[00:08:03:140]	and anxieties of getting it made, um,

[00:08:07:160]	[beat] it, it pretty powerfully

[00:08:11:160]	touched on some, um, emotions

[00:08:15:170]	of childhood. So, yeah, it had a, had a

[00:08:19:200]	significant kind of autobiographic resonance.

[00:08:23:240]	Um...but I'm not sure is-is the primary

[00:08:27:260]	thing that I wanted people to understand, in the, 

[00:08:31:280]	in the little video. But it was a part of the making of it,

[00:08:35:300]	for me, was about, uh,

[00:08:40:030]	y'know, the personal. - (Erin) I mean, I chose a

[00:08:44:100]	personal space for my project. Um, a lot of

[00:08:48:150]	ways because—[small laugh] I don't have a car, and so it's easier to get around, it's like, "Hey,

[00:08:52:160]	I have this space right here that I can use, that I can go in with a lot of detail, capture a lot

[00:08:56:180]	of footage, without too much trouble and go in really really detail. Um,

[00:09:00:200]	in terms of what I've done with it after this, I mean, I've posted it

[00:09:04:210]	on Facebook, I've emailed it to my family members and stuff.

[00:09:08:240]	Well, it was about my children, and so, [inaudible] I'm usually

[00:09:12:280]	not very emotional about my children. Um, I am, I love my

[00:09:17:020]	children, but I don't, I think that part—I was more emotional because I was

[00:09:21:040]	away. So, it's been, y'know, at the time it'd probably

[00:09:25:100]	been 5 or 6 days. And so, that was part of it, I was missing

[00:09:29:150]	them. So when I would hear my son's laughter

[00:09:33:210]	it was just very heartwarming, but it was also

[00:09:37:220]	heartwrenching. [small laugh] Um, so the, the

[00:09:41:250]	audio was very much a part of the emotion.

[00:09:45:260]	Um, in a way that kind of suprised me. 'Cause the images,

[00:09:49:300]	seeing the images, it didn't make it that way, but the audio was

[00:09:54:030]	what was really powerful. And even watching everybody else's videos

[00:09:58:090]	even when there was a narration or a voiceover, that's what was

[00:10:02:160]	very powerful, to me.  -(Laura) I mean, partly just because my [inaudible] topic was, like, really personal, really

[00:10:06:220]	close to me, it was—there were sort of a lot of emotions attached to it. [small laugh] As I was sitting there putting

[00:10:10:240]	it together, I was sort of like, "[exhales] Okay, I gotta, this is, 

[00:10:14:260]	this is a lot." Because, um, like I said, it kind of really got me to rethink this material.

[00:10:18:280]	Um, it had me looking at these pictures in a different way, and seeing these sort of

[00:10:23:010]	parallels between, like, me and my grandfather, who I never knew. Um,

[00:10:27:040]	and had me sort of thinking about my family, um,

[00:10:31:070]	like [inaudible] y'know, doing this sort of tree, and then having their pictures together

[00:10:35:100]	Just sort of looking at, what, y'know, what do we look like as a group. Um,

[00:10:39:150]	and it also really had me kind of rethinking the poem that I wrote.

[00:10:43:220]	Um, which I hadn't looked at in, I don't know, like three years.

[00:10:47:220]	So, it was interesting to revisit that. And also then sort of,

[00:10:51:230]	like, emotional, to revist that. Like, something that I very much poured myself into

[00:10:55:250]	when I was, like, 20 and thought I was being very profound. [laugh] - Um, but

[00:10:59:280]	I didn't find it particularly frustrating. Um, like I said, it was kind of

[00:11:03:300]	easy for me to, to put together. It was just sort, like, the kind of personal

[00:11:08:020]	weight of rethinking these ideas, and sort of—and then also having to, like, 

[00:11:12:050]	show it to everybody. [laugh] I got a little bit more,

[00:11:16:070]	kind of anxious than I thought I was going to when we, um, sort of

[00:11:20:090]	displayed it. And mine came up, and I was like, "Oh, oh, I don't know, I don't know if I actually want

[00:11:24:130]	like, everybody to see this part of myself." Um, but I'm glad I did it. I'm

[00:11:28:190]	glad that that was the topic that I sort of landed on. Because I really feel, I do feel like

[00:11:32:260]	I sort of expressed something that matters to me, at least, um, in the project.

[00:11:36:270]	You know, that's an interesting question as well, because

[00:11:40:280]	w-when I think about my work normally, my

[00:11:44:280]	academic work, emotions are

[00:11:49:020]	rarely a part of it. I guess, you know, we have feelings, we have

[00:11:53:060]	um, kind of, um, attitudes toward our work. But,

[00:11:57:100]	there has been, um, I think

[00:12:01:140]	our, our field, our discipline, 

[00:12:05:190]	folks just in the academy, um, have

[00:12:09:260]	over the years, made a

[00:12:13:280]	conscious effort to reduce the emotional

[00:12:18:030]	aspect of anything that we do. When we talk with students about

[00:12:22:040]	the, uh, y'know, principles of rhetoric, ethos, logos,

[00:12:26:070]	and pathos, perhaps, we say, "This is the academy. This is the university.

[00:12:30:080]	The focus is on, first, on the logos,

[00:12:34:100]	the logic of what you're saying. Next

[00:12:38:140]	on your—the ethos you can establish to, uh, in your 

[00:12:42:200]	writing that demonstrates that you have the authority to make the claims that

[00:12:46:260]	that you're making here. But rarely is there an element

[00:12:50:280]	of pathos in the production of

[00:12:55:000]	academic work. Uh, that might be

[00:12:59:040]	a little bit [inaudible], a little bit different 

[00:13:03:080]	in our field because I know that we have some conventions in academic writing

[00:13:07:120]	where, for example, it's more likely that we'll include, like,

[00:13:11:140]	examples of, like, [inaudible], anecdotes,

[00:13:15:190]	things that happen to students, things that happened in the classroom.

[00:13:19:260]	Um, y'know, that's part of our, one of the conventions of our

[00:13:23:290]	writing in our discipline that could have an emotional element.

[00:13:28:020]	But, I made this video that was about my father. It was

[00:13:32:040]	about, uh, family. It was about, like, the legacy

[00:13:36:070]	of his work. And so, uh, it was,

[00:13:40:090]	I mean, to me at least there was a powerful emotional element to that. And, it just came

[00:13:44:130]	naturally. Um, and I think it came naturally

[00:13:48:170]	because the technology, the mode of production

[00:13:52:230]	just kind of lead me to do that. I'm gonna stop short

[00:13:56:230]	of saying that it would lead anyone to do that, all the time. But,

[00:14:00:290]	uh, for me at least, it was like, "Of course, that's what you do when you have

[00:14:05:010]	a camera. Uh, it's going to have, uh, an element of

[00:14:09:030]	um, pathos, an element of emotion that

[00:14:13:050]	wants to be there somehow. So, for me,

[00:14:17:080]	that, I mean the creation of that video was to some extent an

[00:14:21:110]	emotional experience. And as soon as I had it done, I put it on YouTube, and I sent it to my dad!

[00:14:25:140]	So that he would know! Uh,

[00:14:29:180]	that was—I mean, I guess, I didn't start out the project

[00:14:33:230]	thinking this is what will happen. But very quickly, in doing the work, I could

[00:14:37:290]	see that that's how it was playing out.

[00:14:42:000]	the footage.  - I was excited because I'd never done anything like that before.